My Mother is Shadow

 I've had these words in my journal for the last seven months but it wasn't until my friend Glynis decided to do the MEMORY WALK here in OKC Sat. 10/25 that I put them together in a coherent form. If you have someone with Alzheimer's and want to support her efforts the link is listed on my site. She is the Rambling Mind.

My Mother is a shadow.
She is still living but only makes infrequent visits to reality.
As I've helped to clean through her things in order to make daily living more simple, I realized there isn't much left behind.
She has no journals or diaries, no little notes to self or even doodles on the side of an envelope.
Her handwritten items are signed insurance papers or a long ago greeting card.
How strange that there will be no hand-made treasures left behind, no loved mementos or Velveteen Rabbits.
Just a stack of paperbacks- not even a permanent library of best loved books.
Who was she?
Even the backs of her photographs are lacking dates and places.
Her revealed memories become my only legacy and remembrance.
And I didn't know her at all.
I didn't know her shadow- it is elusive and forever lost to me.
She is a puzzle with most pieces missing.
I have chased her all my life, to win her love and approval, only to realize I've chased a vapor- a wisp of a life.
Now it is too late to fill the dark spots with the light of understanding.
She cannot remember those things she may have wanted to say to me.
The time for healing words and explanations is long past.
My Mother is a shadow.