The Homeliest Baby

I feel like Napoleon Dynamite.
I've been working on my skills.
I have the usual domestic goddess skills- cooking, cleaning + caregiving but I thought Id dust off some very old + unused skills like Creative Writing ( remember that High school class).
To begin this skill you must write. To write you need a writing prompt aka " the word that gives you an idea."Then start writing all the things that pop into your head!
Todays word was HOMELIEST. Not just plain old homely but the IST form which means the highest degree of homely.

I had an instant vision but I didnt think it would be nice to write about it, so instead I went through my list of friends and family to see if any of them qualified. Some are strange looking but none homely.

I guess I have a large tolerance for non- beauty since I tend to gravitate to genetically altered canines like dachshunds and bug-eyed Boston terriers. Maybe that makes me more generous in my judgement of homeliest. And it brought me back to my first idea- the Homeliest thing I ever saw was a baby.

Yes I hear you saying " oh thats mean- every baby is beautiful to God + its mother."
Thats true and Im sure his mother didnt even notice. But I did!

It was 1975 and I was no longer a Valley Girl from Calif. but a new military wife living in San Antonio Texas.We lived in an apt building not far from the base with a dozen or so other lonely young brides thrown together for a few months while our Airmen were finishing up Tech school. The days were long. No car, no money and lots of time. The perfect ingredient for friendships and learning how different people are in our vast country.

And that is where I met him- the homeliest baby.
His mother was a Southern girl who waltzed around our building in her terry-cloth robe +fuzzy slippers, pregnant belly hanging out along with the cigarette dangling from her mouth. She cussed up a storm, ate whatever she had a hanker-in for and was delighted when we gave her a baby shower.

Then one day she disappeared. Rumor had it she'd gone into labor. Without cars and the only pay phone down on the corner the brides + I would have to wait till she came home.
And 3 days later she arrived. She rushed up the stairs without allowing us one peek at the bundle she was carrying but shouting back the promise " I'll be right back!"    
And when she returned she stood like Princess Di waving down at the crowd beneath her balcony and  to our  horror did a Michael Jackson. She unwrapped little 4 day old Danny, dangled his 6 lb 4oz body over the railing for us all to see.
I dont know if he really was the homeliest baby ever because I had never seen a newborn in all my 19 years but the shock of a spindly limbed, wrinkled, hair covered screaming baby left a life long impression.
Never saw little Danny again but he and homeliest go hand in hand. Im sure he turned out just fine but has a lifelong fear of heights.